Thursday, March 25, 2010

Don't Ask, Paul Rudnick Won't Tell

Openly gay writer Paul Rudnick, whose screen credits include the 1997 film "In and Out," wrote a humorous piece about gays serving openly in the military that was featured in the March 22 edition of The New Yorker. The Shouts and Murmurs section where it was published is an excellent place to find great satire, and Rudnick's "Don't Ask Me" is no exception.

He takes direct aim at General Merrill McPeak, who opposed the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell in a New York Times Op-Ed. Rudnick, taking the point of view of a secretly gay soldier, makes the satirical argument that all the pent-up paranoia and sexual tension from keeping it under wraps turns him into an absolute killing machine. In a homoerotic passage that must be intended to make McPeak as uncomfortable as possible if he reads the piece, Rudnick says before he goes into battle he pictures himself "rubbing sunblock all over the luscious, leathery hide of General McPeak, and the adrenaline rockets through my veins, and by the time I leave the Green Zone I’m ready to kill anything that moves, and then make savage, passionate love to its corpse. I’m at what I like to call my sensual, combat-ready McPeak."

Rudnick later writes that he is afraid if he is allowed to serve openly, he will lose that frantic intensity, because the biggest excitement he'll have is deciding to paint his and his partner's apartment cerulean.

He also goes after the traditional "unit cohesion" argument, again launching into an absurd homoerotic binge: "I live for unit cohesion. Just the sound of the words makes me tingle with manly aggression. Whenever I see my unit, or anyone’s unit, all I want to do is cohere. I embrace my unit, with both hands, and I draw it to me, again and again, in a vigorous manly embrace..."

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